By Dylan Alexander
The Secret and the Law of Attraction have become so popular these days, that this question always comes up:
Can you use The Secret or the Law of Attraction in your online dating profile to help attract the people you want?
Yes, you absolutely can. But one big caution:
There is a right way and a wrong way to online date using the Law of Attraction! Not only that, but there is also one big danger that comes with using it.
The wrong way to use The Secret in online dating
Let’s start with the wrong way. This comes from a huge misinterpretation that people make from The Secret movie. I see it over and over again, especially from people trying to cash in on its popularity...
Here’s the mistake: People focus on trying to get what they want.
Wait a second... Isn’t that the point of The Secret?
No. The point of The Secret (and the Law of Attraction, used interchangeably from this point on) is “Put out what you want to get back.”
There is a huge difference! The problem is that many people interpret this as “think about what I want as much as possible, and I’ll get it.” This is a completely opposite mindset, and it leads people to one of the worst habits of attraction and online dating...
They make lists about what they want... they stop thinking about GIVING OUT and they start thinking about TAKING IN.
Remember the word used in The Secret? It is RECEIVE. Not TAKE.
And you can’t receive unless you are already giving out. If you are in a giving mindset, the world around you will be in a giving mindset, and that’s when you can receive. If you are making a list of your wants, you aren’t putting out... you are trying to take in, before the universe has reflected it back to you.
So, enough Law of Attraction theory, let’s get back to online dating!
Most men and women online dating often include a list of everything they are looking for in a partner when they write their profile. As we’ve just seen, this does not really do anything. You aren’t putting out anything to draw someone in... you are just putting a list of demands on your reader. Like the universe, the men or women reading your profile rarely respond to lists of demands.
Think about it this way, besides the fact that no one reading your profile cares about what YOU want (yet) and only care about what they are looking for... having a big list of your “must haves” in your profile makes you look incredibly self-centered.
And that’s a hugely unattractive trait to anyone!
The right way to use The Secret in online dating:
So, now that we’ve seen the wrong way of doing it, let me share with you the right way to use the Law of Attraction in online dating!
Let’s skip back to, “you get back what you put out.” This is very similar to a tool in Online Casanova called Mirroring, which is a critical step in attracting the person you are looking for. You can use The Secret in a very similar way, as you probably have a clear idea in your head of the person you are looking for in terms of their look, lifestyle, attitudes, etc...
(Note: please find a link to Mirroring and other techniques of attraction in Online Casanova at the bottom of this article. Thank you!)
This is where The Secret meets Online Casanova...
Everything that you want your perfect match to have...
you have to reflect outwardly in your profile!
If you want a person who is worldly and athletic, you need to write about your worldly and athletic traits or experiences.
If you want a person who is hard working and devoted to family, you need to write about how you are hard working and devoted to your family.
If you want a person who is free spirited and artistic, you need to write about what makes you free spirited and artistic.
Like attracts like.
You have to display the qualities that your perfect match sees in themselves, and they will be drawn to you through that reflection. This is one of the great secrets of online dating!
Of course, creating those traits in your profile in order to make subconscious connections with someone while drawing their attention away from the rest of the competition online, is a much more expansive process. You can find it laid out in detail, illustrated with examples, in Online Casanova.
The danger of The Secret
Now, I still have to talk about the potential risk of using The Secret for online dating in order to target an ultra-specific person.
There is a school of thought that believes we don’t always consciously know what is best for us, and when we consciously decide to put limitations on that which we are interested in, we often rule out that which is truly best for us.
In online dating terms, this means that you shouldn’t focus so closely on what you think you want, that you end up ruling out other people just because they don’t meet all your conscious criteria. This would mean that your actual perfect match might get passed over because they don’t meet your full check list of traits, whereas they may have been your perfect match in many more ways that you wouldn’t have initially recognized.
To boil it down: don’t ignore everyone else on the playing field, just because they don’t look like that exact person you have in mind. Be open to everyone who comes your way. Instead of putting out a reflection of a specific person, try putting out the most honest image of who you really are (in the best light of course), and you may find the Law of Attraction brings you some fantastic options that you would never have otherwise.
PS. Remember, The Secret works in reverse too, so keep any negativity out of your profile!
The Secret, the Law Of Attraction, and Online Dating
The Secret and the LOA can be used for online dating! However, used incorrectly, they can actually backfire and drive people away from your profile. There is a right way and a wrong way to attracting your perfect match.
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