By Dylan Alexander

Online dating profiles are next to useless without a great photo. Unless your reader is hooked by a photo that really stands out, it’s unlikely you’ll draw them into reading your profile. Most people will in fact only search for profiles with photos.

Profiles with a photo get opened 8x more than those without...
Emails with photos attached get read first...

But this is old news to anyone online dating...
...and so most people online dating these days have a photo.

The good news for you, however, is that most people have at best an average photo. You on the other hand, are going to have an EXCELLENT photo, and I’m going to show you how with some easy steps!

Rule 1: Be well lit.
A well lit face jumps out of the picture, whereas a face in shadows hides from the viewer.

Believe it or not, this makes a huge difference in how people interpret your character. If you post a photo of yourself taken in a dark basement without using a flash, you’ll come across as a low energy/low value/boring person who lives in a basement. If you are well lit and bright, you’ll come across as high energy/high value (read: FUN) person. No one looks good when they are so underexposed you can’t even see their eyes.

EASY TIP: Use a photo taken outside with natural light, but force your camera flash on (called fill flash) so that it fills out any shadows on your face made by the sun.

Rule 2: Use a real digital camera.
Cell phones and web cams tend to take terrible pictures.

A common trend I see in younger online daters is self portraits taken with cell phone cameras in front of bathroom mirrors, and “at my computer” shots taken with web cams. There are two problems. One is that these settings usually aren’t well lit (see above). The other is that cell phone cameras and web cams produce terrible picture quality (a few exceptions). They are grainy noisy pictures that in general make you look bad, with discolored or blotchy skin.

EASY TIP: By now you probably have a friend who owns a digital-SLR camera and is looking for a reason to practice with it. Tell them you need some photos for online dating, and if they provide the camera, you’ll provide a bottle of wine or case of beer.

Rule 3: Pay attention to the background.
People look at and judge everything in your photo, not just you.

Everything counts. If your house is a mess in the frame behind you, people will think you are a slob. (Women especially notice details, so pay attention guys.) If you’ve got a couple empty bottles of vodka in the background, it looks like you party too much. If there are other people in your photo, who they are is going to reflect on you. For women, this means that you might want to reconsider posting photos with your scantily clad girlfriends. For guys, you might want to reconsider posting photos of you and any girl who looks like a girlfriend.

EASY TIP: Since people read into every detail in your photo, you can increase your value by using a photo taken somewhere interesting or cultural. Photos in museums make you look cultured... photos in exotic locations make you look adventurous.

Rule 4: Dress well!
You dress up your profile to attract people - do the same for your photo.

This rule is hugely overlooked. You will be judged by your appearance and of course that includes your clothes. The right clothes can make you considerably more attractive, while grungy clothes will make you look worse.

Remember, keep some congruency with who you are. If you never ever wear a suit in real life, you might not want to represent yourself as a suit wearing guy. Girls, if you don’t want guys to think you are promiscuous and easy, don’t post party photos of you wearing revealing clothes.

TIP: Dress to impress. You basically can’t overdress (within good taste) and the better dressed you are, the higher value you will display. Nothing beats a tuxedo for guys or a dress for women.

Rule 5: Eye Contact
Eye contact is crucial for making a connection.

Regardless of the setting, one thing you must be doing in your picture is making eye contact with the viewer. If you are getting your picture taken specifically for online dating, look directly into the camera lens every time (unless for artistic reasons the photo absolutely demands otherwise). You’ve heard this before and it’s definitely cliché, but... your eyes are a window into your soul... even over the internet. People need to make that connection with you in order to be attracted to you. When they can’t see your eyes, there will be a level of intimacy lacking in your picture, and that is something that is crucial for building attraction.

EASY TIP: Make sure your eyes are visible and not in the shadows. See Rule 1.
EASY TIP: Take off the sunglasses for your photos. You aren’t Bono or Jennifer Lopez and as much as you believe it, your shades don’t make you look cool or famous. At best it blocks that critical eye connection, and at worst it makes you look insecure.

Rule 6: Smile!
The human smile is one of the greatest communicative tools we have. Use it.

Our smiles convey our intentions, our sincerity, our passions, and more. It is absolutely critical whether we are looking to make new friends or new lovers.

So why do I scan through so many pages of online dating profiles, and see so few smiles? Maybe it’s because we think we look so cool, so dangerous, when we give our best badass pose (that’s my excuse anyway...)

However, when someone sees you scowling, frowning or pouting, they don’t think “wow, he/she’s cool!” They think “ugh, they look miserable.” Someone who has nothing to smile about isn’t a person most people want to date! So smile! Let people see how fun and friendly you are! You will be surprised at how quickly and deeply people will become attracted to someone who is smiling and sharing their joy... even through a photo.

EASY TIP: A sincere smile is hard to fake for a camera, and people subconsciously can tell the difference. Instead, when you get your picture taken, try to laugh for the camera. Get whoever is taking it to tell a dirty joke or otherwise get you to crack up. When the photo is taken, it will freeze a moment of you displaying a great, wide, sincere smile.

Rule 7: Hire A Photographer
The sure-fire way to get the best possible photo! No it isn’t cheating!

If you are serious about meeting people online, nothing beats hiring a professional photographer. A good photographer can make you look thinner, sexier and friendlier... with just the right pose and lighting.

If you can’t afford a professional (and arguably you don’t need a high end portrait photographer for this) look for a serious amateur or photography student who is looking for practice. It may cost you a quarter of what a professional will charge, or they may do it for free, simply for the experience and the addition to their portfolio. Make sure you explain that you need an interesting photo that will stand out over the competition, or a sexy headshot that will grab people’s attention, and they will most likely jump at the challenge.

EASY TIP: Before you choose a photographer, get a look at their portfolio or previous work to see if it is in line with a style that suits you.

EASY TIP: Great places to find serious amateur or student photographers cheap:
-Craigslist, under the Services - Creative category, or by placing an ad
-Ask at the local camera store, see if they have a message board
-Email the photography department of the local college
-Find a local camera club on the internet

Addendum: Include Lots Of Photos
If one picture is worth 1000 words, then 10 pictures are worth...?

Despite how common it is, we are all still a little afraid of being recognized as internet dating, and thus we never want to put too many pictures up on our profile, or send our photos out first. But the people who let their photos be seen by all get the best responses, and the more photos, the higher the response rate!

So why just send one photo? If you have several (make sure they have been shrunk down to manageable file sizes) then send them! The more photos someone has to look at, the better image they will have in their head of you and your life, and that’s a good thing. It sure saves you a lot of profile writing!

You photos can have a much bigger impact on your profile than just showing people what you look like. You can use your photos to display your hobbies, passions, work, sports, and so on. You can use them to show your sense of humor or personality. If used properly, a good set of photos will reveal a broad set of your personality traits, interests and values to your reader.

Cheers and happy dating!

Dylan Alexander